Blighted ovum
Jun. 8th, 2013 06:29![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
project_sunshineThe fertility clinic took two blood tests two days apart to see how my
hCG levels were (much too low and not increasing properly). I started
spotting with brown, old-looking blood and reading up on the internet
told me it was likely a blighted ovum - which is when the placenta
develops but for some reason, probably genetic error, the fetus
doesn't - or an ectopic pregnancy. (The nurse called it a biochemical
pregnancy, but I think they use that for all non-viable self-aborting
pregnancies. She didn't know what a blighted ovum was.)
So rather than hoping I was pregnant I started hoping for a blighted
ovum. I don't want the danger of something growing in one of my tubes!
Last night I started spontaneously aborting. I don't think the timing
was a coincidence, when I became consciously aware that something was
wrong is when it started, and I tried to think good thoughts to my
uterus. It needed the encouragement because it was extremely painful.
I broke out in a cold sweat from the pain, shook all over so I could
hardly walk, and had to get a bucket to put next to my bed in case it
got so bad I threw up. It was was a close thing, but I found a good
position that didn't put too much of a strain on my uterus and
distracted myself with an audiobook, and eventually it was over.
Now I have what resembles an ordinary period.
The nurse was very kind to me, and offered that I could call and talk
to them any time. I'm not too upset that this pregnancy wasn't viable,
because I could sort of feel it already. Even those first two days
before the first blood test where I thought it was real, it seemed odd
to me that I had not felt pregnant at all. Looking at it positively, I
now know that my eggs can be fertilized and that they can attach to
the wall of the uterus. But at the same time I am also upset, because
this has been a tough experience to go through, with the emotional ups
and downs, the pain, and with the constant worry that I will not
manage to get pregnant now that I have used up 4 tries out of the 6 I
am allowed.
---
Update May 29th, 2015.
This is when I stopped updating my journal, huh. I was not horribly, horribly upset by my failed pregnancy, but it did bother me. My last two tries at insemination also failed, and it was very stressful for me. I quit my job, thinking the stress from overwork and heavy responsibility was making it more difficult for me to get pregnant, and then at the first try at in vitro fertilization I had success!
I only had two viable eggs, and asked to have both inserted to double my chance. Both of them grew, despite some difficulties, and I now have two wonderful children. I'm not sure if I'll be able to have more, and if I do, I probably can't use the same sperm donor, though that would be my preference. Legally there's a limit to how many offspring a donor can have, and I have not gotten around to calling the sperm bank and reserving some. I'm superstitiously afraid that if I call I will be told there is no more, so I haven't called.
I met an old friend who also chose to become a single parent yesterday. She had a child earlier than me, and I was a little jealous. Now I feel extremely lucky, having two healthy babies, because her little boy has just been diagnosed with a disability.
hCG levels were (much too low and not increasing properly). I started
spotting with brown, old-looking blood and reading up on the internet
told me it was likely a blighted ovum - which is when the placenta
develops but for some reason, probably genetic error, the fetus
doesn't - or an ectopic pregnancy. (The nurse called it a biochemical
pregnancy, but I think they use that for all non-viable self-aborting
pregnancies. She didn't know what a blighted ovum was.)
So rather than hoping I was pregnant I started hoping for a blighted
ovum. I don't want the danger of something growing in one of my tubes!
Last night I started spontaneously aborting. I don't think the timing
was a coincidence, when I became consciously aware that something was
wrong is when it started, and I tried to think good thoughts to my
uterus. It needed the encouragement because it was extremely painful.
I broke out in a cold sweat from the pain, shook all over so I could
hardly walk, and had to get a bucket to put next to my bed in case it
got so bad I threw up. It was was a close thing, but I found a good
position that didn't put too much of a strain on my uterus and
distracted myself with an audiobook, and eventually it was over.
Now I have what resembles an ordinary period.
The nurse was very kind to me, and offered that I could call and talk
to them any time. I'm not too upset that this pregnancy wasn't viable,
because I could sort of feel it already. Even those first two days
before the first blood test where I thought it was real, it seemed odd
to me that I had not felt pregnant at all. Looking at it positively, I
now know that my eggs can be fertilized and that they can attach to
the wall of the uterus. But at the same time I am also upset, because
this has been a tough experience to go through, with the emotional ups
and downs, the pain, and with the constant worry that I will not
manage to get pregnant now that I have used up 4 tries out of the 6 I
am allowed.
---
Update May 29th, 2015.
This is when I stopped updating my journal, huh. I was not horribly, horribly upset by my failed pregnancy, but it did bother me. My last two tries at insemination also failed, and it was very stressful for me. I quit my job, thinking the stress from overwork and heavy responsibility was making it more difficult for me to get pregnant, and then at the first try at in vitro fertilization I had success!
I only had two viable eggs, and asked to have both inserted to double my chance. Both of them grew, despite some difficulties, and I now have two wonderful children. I'm not sure if I'll be able to have more, and if I do, I probably can't use the same sperm donor, though that would be my preference. Legally there's a limit to how many offspring a donor can have, and I have not gotten around to calling the sperm bank and reserving some. I'm superstitiously afraid that if I call I will be told there is no more, so I haven't called.
I met an old friend who also chose to become a single parent yesterday. She had a child earlier than me, and I was a little jealous. Now I feel extremely lucky, having two healthy babies, because her little boy has just been diagnosed with a disability.
